Even his son turned up. 1. When I went to get my driver's license renewed, a matter-of-fact woman typed out the information, tested my vision, snapped the camera, and handed me a laminated card with my picture on it. At a party, an old friend exclaimed, "Edith, you haven't changed in 20 years.". The father says, "Good bye Grandad? At my age, the only pole dancing I do is to hold on to the safety bar in the bathtub. My nine-year-old daughter walked in while I was getting ready for work. I said there is a damn Democrat on my front porch playing with himself and hes weird; I dont know him and Im afraid! Why should I pay someone to shovel? he demanded. Darja is a Content Creator at Bored Panda. Youre getting old when youre sitting in a rocker and you cant get it started. And if there's one thing seniors have in abundance is a good sense of humor. Whats a hipster? asked my four-year-old cousin. We finished the day with a banana split. "How do you do it?" Youve got to be kidding, he said. 9. I have to go to the bathroom.. An orderly noticed and put several more pillows on his right side to keep him upright. And whats a better way to prepare yourself for the upcoming woes of aging than a list full of old people jokes. David Bowie. Why does the mushroom always get invited to birthday parties? While waiting for the farmer to answer he notices the horses racing around their pen. "You know," he said to our grandson, Nick, "it's not easy getting old. Because, you damn fool, if it was a Republican, hed be screwing somebody!. Im 82 today (and still crying.). 11. I thought you were a ghost, says the relieved teen. He shook his head. WebFirst you forget names, then you forget faces. Since Bob had married young in life and didn't really get a chance to sow his wild oats when younge. Bob, age 92, and Mary, age 89, are all excited about their decision to get married. Short Jokes Anyone Can Remember Clever Jokes That Make You Sound Smart Funny Examples of Irony The clerk shook his head, said, Never On the phone with my 93-year-old brother in Wisconsin, and I told him I thought it was time he paid someone to shovel snow for him. Glass?". She sat there without being noticed by anyone in our rich suburban neighborhood. What's. Where are my keys?". Honey, she said, today is senior day. Tim struck up a conversation with the only other person in the pool, a five-year-old boy. Youre old that the Dead Sea was only sick when you were born. The biggest loser at my weight-loss club was an elderly woman. He knows his wife doesn't want to accept the fact that she is getting older and isn't as youthful as she used to be. I patted her hand reassuringly and said, Thats vaping products.. He goes upstairs, takes out a recorder, turns it on and, knowing she is in the kitchen, yells downstairs, Honey, whats for supper? No answer. "Do you sell wheelchairs and walkers?" You mean a rose? Yes, thats it! He turned to his wife, Rose, what was the name of that memory clinic? Three old ladies are sitting in a diner, chatting about various things. Recently, a neighbor turned 100, and a big birthday party was thrown. Click here for more information. "Now take off your arm.". 25. As a kid, you think you're never gonna try it. We recommend our users to update the browser. "Maybe this will help," he said. After a while, Tim's father returned from his walk and called out, "I'm ready to leave.". He enters the living room and yells again Honey, whats for supper? No answer. "Maybe you'll go into overtime. Feeling down about my thinning hair, I told a friend, Soon Ill never need to go back to the beauty salon. So that Saturday, we had a heaping stack of chocolate-chip pancakes, her favorite childhood breakfast. "How about my misspent youth," joked my husband. Aging gracefully is like the nice way of saying you're slowly looking worse. He said he wanted to see my drivers license. replied the little old man. He sat riveted as she carefully took them out, brushed and rinsed them, and then popped them back At the restaurant, a sign read "Karaoke Tonight!" I guess I'm in the fourth quarter now. No. You're always making new friends. 17. Check your inbox, and click on the link to activate your account. Grandma says, "Youre welcome. WebJokes About Getting Old And Forgetful. we asked. "It's my passport picture," she revealed."Really?" Web3 great things about getting old and losing your memory 1. When the new activities director for the rec center walked in, all us retirees quickly took notice. "They'll only look once.". What happens to your blood type when you get really old? Our favorite museum in town displays quilts from around the country. "For my grandmother's 80th birthday, we had a huge family celebration and even managed to get a photo announcement printed in the local paper. She was the richest woman in the world. Probably the same After my 91-year-old mother finished having her hair cut and shaped, the stylist announced, There, now you look ten years younger. Poor old fool, thought the well-dressed gentleman as he watched an old man fish in a puddle outside a pub. "Well, do you drive 10,000 miles a year?" "Mr. Smith, youre in great shape," says the doctor afterward. You know youre getting older when you have a party and the neighbors dont realize it. I was having lunch with my daughter Rachel, whos three, at our local mall and was feeling particularly macho for a 46-year-old. You know you are old when youre told to slow down by your doctor and not the police. "Medicine for memory problems, arthritis, jaundice?" Me: Thats quite the age difference! You have to be in Kahoots with someone. After completing the tour, I stopped at Bad Jokes That You Cant Help but Laugh At, Funny Photos That Will Make You Laugh Out Loud, Cheesy Pick-Up Lines Guaranteed to Get a Laugh, The Absolute Best Funny Movies of All Time, Weird Facts You Never Knew About Laughter, Work Cartoons to Help You Get Through the Week, Clever Wedding Jokes Perfect for Any Speech, We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer), Do Not Sell or Share My Personal Information. "What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol, antacids?" His reply: "We'll I just didn't recognize you!". "Easy," she said. "For her 40th birthday, my wife said, "I'd love to be ten again." He sat riveted as she carefully took them out, brushed and rinsed them, and then popped them back in. As you grow older, it will avoid you. Well, he's getting older now, just got married, has a kid on the way, big new promotion in the city, new house, the works. There was a farmer who owned a small ranch with some livestock and two horses, Razzle and Dazzle. (hes till crying). Dad wasnt sold: Unless youre including a periscope with my casket, I dont know how Im going to enjoy it.. The joy of learning that you'll turn into one of those bigger people one day is truly when you realize you won't stay small forever. "So how did you enjoy being a kid for a day?" For the second wish, the old lady asked to be richest woman in the world. Bob suggests they go in. 22. "This thing is great," he bragged to my brother. One lady says, You know, Im getting really forgetful. 12. That's when I noticed my son, Ben, staring at my husband's head. If you lose something in an old-age home, dont stop until youve searched every nook and granny. It quickly grew heated as one of them declared, "I'm so mad, I'm taking you off my pallbearer list!". The average age of people living in our military retirement community is 85. WebBilly Collins suggests the losses of old age through one of its seemingly benign symptoms--forgetfulness: as if, one by one, the memories you used to harbor decided to retire to the southern hemisphere of the brain No wonder you rise in the middle of the night to look up the date of a famous battle in a book on war. Three elderly men are talking about their aches, pains and bodily functions. Wanting a second opinion, I asked my husband,"How do you think this color would look on a face with a few wrinkles? ", The biggest loser at my weight-loss club was an elderly woman. When the operator answers she yells, Help, send the police to my house right away. I was like 30!, Bored Panda works better on our iPhone app. The cashier shot back at me, "why?! Whats all this I hear on the news about banning baking products? Patient: Forty-four and 39 from my wife who passed away, and from my second wife, 15 and 13. 10. There, a distinguished elderly gentleman was keeping track of the number of visitors in the old tried-and-true method of drawing IIII IIII on a sheet of paper. "Where's your hair?" "No, it's Thursday", said the second. This happened for several weeks in a row. Check out my store and Then he broke through the fence and bred with all my neighbors cows! Read the funniest jokes about getting old. "But I filled them out last year," she replied. Hey Pandas, What Are Your Most Useful Travel Tips? "Cool, Grandma!" Holiday Inn charges $22.00, the Hilton charges $27.00, we do it here for $10.00 and I get $8.00 back from Medicare for every visit to the Doctors office. "It took me only an hour and a half to mow the lawn. Police in Tampa, Florida, raided and shut down a weekly $4-a-round mah-jongg game played by four elderly women. ! and she turns around and says Damnit Al, for the hundredth time, CHICKEN!!!. One lady says, You know, Im getting really forgetful. ", Seeing her friend Sally wearing a new locket, Meg asks if there is a memento of some sort inside. The clerk shook his head, said, Never mind, and rang me up. Even at age 88, my mother was vain about her looks. Now youd really better write it down now. An old woman had three sons. You told me that I would live to be 96." The sight of my mother cleaning her dentures fascinated my young son. When I went to get my driver's license renewed, a matter-of-fact woman typed out the information, tested my vision, snapped the camera, and handed me a laminated card with my picture on it. Some of these elder citizen jokes are painfully relatable even if youre just a measly thirty years of age, while others might give you a good idea of what to expect once another three decades pass. Recently, a neighbor turned 100, and a big birthday party was thrown. When they're ready to leave, his friends say, "Nice to meet you, ma'am, and thank you for the peanuts." A. Youre so old that your back goes out more than you do. Get the best of Bored Panda in your inbox. She called the clerk's office to remind them that she was exempt because of her age. I tell myself I'm not getting older but it refuses to listen. Ever since I lost my dentures, all I can do is suck the chocolate off of them.". Dont stop looking until youve searched every nook and granny. Forget it once. ": 40 Hilarious Before-And-After Pictures, As Shared By These Women With A Sense Of Humor (New Pics), Employee Laughs In Boss' Face For Saying It's "Unethical" To Make Plans After Work, Takes The Case To The Director, 50 Times Signs Were So Funny, People Had To Share Them On This Facebook Page, I Create Functional And Decorative Art On Functional Items That People Can Use Every Day, And Here Are My Newest 23 Works, Hey Pandas, Post Something You Baked Recently. I asked. One day while going through a magazine, I came across an ad for a hair-coloring product featuring a beautiful young model with hair a shade that I liked. ", "One of the shortest wills ever written: "Being of sound mind, I spent all the money." One good thing about getting older and having a shorter memory: I can hide my own Easter Eggs. One says, Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand in front of the refrigerator and cant remember whether I need to put it away or start making a sandwich. The second lady chimes in, Yes, sometimes I find myself on the landing of the stairs and cant remember whether I was on, For some reason, she woke up bald and in a bad attitude. "How old are you?" That Im one year closer to being back in diapers. Patient: Forty-four and 39 from my wife who passed away, and from my second wife, 15 and 13. You have wisdom-highlights, not grey hairs. Two little old ladies are strolling along the beach and one looks down and says There is no justice in this world. As a teenager I used to like this magazine a lot. A few minutes after it started, Fred heard Sam rustling around and he seemed to be searching on the floor under his seat. Middle age is when you have stopped growing at both ends, and have begun to grow in the middle. But, on the other hand, there are pains and aches from having slept in an awkward position, theres the handful of vitamins to be swallowed each morning, and theres the graying hair and sagging skin. The elderly couple thought this sounded wonderful, and left the doctors office very pleased with the advice. After three failed attempts to log on, he asked, Am I spelling this right? Must have gone through my grandmother's house. For her 40th birthday, my wife said, "Id love to be ten again." "What are you doing?" An old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself gently, painfully, up onto a stool After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split. So that Saturday, we had a heaping stack of chocolate-chip pancakes, her favorite childhood breakfast. Pastry chefs know that old age crepes up on you. Youre so old that I heard your social security number is 000-00-0005. "Excuse me," I said, approaching a clerk. "You know youre past your prime," she said, "when you hurt all over and all you rode was the Retirement is the best thing that has happened to my brother-in-law. 32. Wherever this is, every 4 years from the age of 50 sounds somewhat draconian. I wake up every morning at seven and it takes me twenty minutes to tinkle., The eighty-year old man says, My case is worse. The waitress asked kindly, Crushed nuts? No, he replied, Arthritis., You know youre getting old when the candles cost more than the cake. On the memo line, shed written, "Repairs.". The patrolman explained that the old gentleman had been lost in the city park and had asked for help. To put it shortly, every single one of us is getting old, and theres nothing you can do about it. Fight boredom with iPhones and iPads here. How did grandma get grandpa to stop biting his nails? The woman representative listened patiently as I requested a wheelchair and an attendant for my mother because of her arthritis and impaired vision. "That was a nice shot," I commented. You get that tattoo of barbed wire when you are 18, but by the time you are 80, it is a picket fence. Then you forget to pull up your zipper. Their physician told them that many people their age find it useful to write themselves little notes as reminders. 11. Someone who will wear something just to look different, I said. Good, says the grandmother. How do you get away with things when youre old? When I was 60, I prayed for it. This farmers wife prayed to the Lord and asked him, "How old will I be when I die?" ", "To my friend's astonishment, a police car pulled up to her house and her elderly grand-father got out. "Thats okay," Harriett said smiling. After booking my 90-year-old mother on a flight from Florida to Nevada, I called the airline to go over her needs. So, you know, it might be something actually to look forward to. She studied at the University of Westminster, where she got her Bachelor's degree in Contemporary Media Practice. Through it all, she and her husband, Mark, have kept their sense of humor. They often draw scrutiny, since my son's a blond Russian, while my daughter has shiny black Haitian skin.The boy continued staring as he carried our groceries to the car. He fit all of the stereotypes of an Irishman, having red hair and beard, constantly being at the bar, and having an accent so thick that I could barely understand him even though I knew him. This comment is hidden. She walked out of the doctor's office, started across the street, and was hit and killed. I'm having a bit pre-dementia breakdown reading them . What are you doing working so late? Oh, those idiots, grumbles the old man. 16. As they sipped their whiskeys, the gentleman thought hed humor the old man and asked, So how many have you caught today? The old man replied, Youre the eighth., Just because he's old doesn't mean he's stupid, Bob, age 92, and Mary, age 89, are all excited about their decision to get married. Trembling with fear, he spots an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at a headstone. For some reason, she woke up bald and with a bad attitude. WebWhen I went to lunch today, I noticed an old man sitting on a park bench sobbing his eyes out. "He looked at the picture, crumpled it up, straightened it out and studied it again. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out. I think this is the year you should start lying about your age. You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake. She stopped me there. Old Man: We have sex every day! Anyone can write on Bored Panda. ". "A case." He emerged from the kitchen about 15 minutes later. They just drive by and shoot people. Old Man: Thank you, and I just got married (and he is still crying.). said my father-in-law at dinner. Its taped under the modem, I told him. Through it all, she and her husband, Mark, have kept their sense of humor. She asked that he be turned into the most handsome man on earth. Why should seniors take it easy on their birthday? Authors; Topics; Movie Quotes; TV Show Quotes; "After a pause, I heard my husband's murmured reply: "Not physically. We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites. She Youre getting old when getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot. The old man replied, I guess its ok, but they wont let me fart.. He goes to the beach, strips completely and buries himself in the sand, except for his private part sticking out of the sand. "You mean I have to look at this for the next four years?" T-A-P-E-D-U-N-D-E-R-T-H-E-M-O-D-E-M?. She gets to heaven and asks the Lord, "What happened? The old man was sitting on the examining table in the doctors office having his hearing checked. My superpower? Someone who will wear something just to look different, I said. Then he began to gather her information. "I got an SUV." "Don't worry," she said. A beggar approaches a grandmother at the beach with his hands out. I was told that there were three signs that you are getting older. The vet gave him some pills, and the bull serviced all of my cows! he told his pal. Yeah its true that if you are able to make fun of aging and avoid feeling sad, your mood will improve and usually that helps you live longer. When they got home, the wife said, Dear, will you please go to the kitchen and get me a dish of ice cream? 4 sizes available. When I was 40, I asked for it. The bartender said, Never mind.. Also, laughter has many mental benefits, such as stress reduction (Source: American Journal of Lifestyle Medicine). When they're ready to leave, his friends say, "Nice to meet you, ma'am, and thank you for the peanuts." Your account is not active. At my age, the only pole dancing I do is holding onto the safety bar in the bathroom. he asked. I'm getting older now. "Visiting his parents' retirement village in Florida, my middle-aged friend, Tim, went for a swim in the community pool while his elderly father took a walk. When the new activities director for the rec center walked in, all us retirees quickly took notice. For the first wish, the old lady asked to become young and beautiful. When I was 70, I forgot about it. One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is better than being young. 30 Fun Old People Jokes That Can Be Appreciated By Everyone Aivaras Kaziukonis, Just Kairyt - Barkauskien, Darja Zinina and Saul Tolstych Getting old isnt His thoughtful reply: When I wasnt good, and I wasnt old. F. ", "For my grandmother's 80th birthday, we had a huge family celebration and even managed to get a photo announcement printed in the local paper. "The tip's for carding me," he said. The tenant shook her head. Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here with no pants on? he asked again. The average age of people living in our military retirement community is 85. ""Wow, you don't look that old," the boy said. we asked. When my 85-year-old father was in the hospital, his doctor, trying to determine Dads mental state, asked, What gets you up in the morning? Why some of the "old people jokes" are about peoples in their 40..I feel old!! When youre old, the doctor tells you to slow down, not the police. "Id have One of my fourth graders asked my teacher's assistant, "How old are you, Mrs. Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. My sister and I decided to reframe a favorite photograph of our mother and father from when they were dating, some 60 years ago. As soon as you feel too old to do a thing, do it.. Some 15 year old girlfriends decided to meet for dinner. "Im looking for my wife. Senior citizens have taken to texting with gusto. But that would ruin his credit. Jeannie Gibbs. ""You should never ask an adult's age," I broke in. "That dance was so important to you? "What month is this?" Now we just lay on the bed and tie each others shoes. "I had just had my 50th birthday and found the decade marker traumatic. Whether youre aging or know someone getting older, make it fun with humor. Seeing her friend Sally wearing a new locket, Meg asks if there is a memento of some sort inside. "What's your age?" Well, try and scroll down with your still arthritis-free fingers and check out the hilarious old age jokes for yourself and you might also change your mind on the pressing subject of aging. Why did grandma put wheels on her rocking chair? "Im 81 years old," he answered. The following are the funniest getting-old jokes for seniors. After a while, Tim's father returned from his walk and called out, "I'm ready to leave.". Click here to view. Why shouldnt you wear glasses as you get older? "How do you do it?". Then suddenly a man in his early 40s rained on my moms parade by telling her that she shouldnt throw away good food on a bunch of pigeons that can find food anywhere when there are a lot of people starving in Africa, says the stranger. Young Lad: Married!! "They were seated immediately. Related: Funny Trivia Questions and Answers. What goes up but never comes down? This woman's 90th birthday was coming up and this depressed the poorer son as he knew he could never match his brothers gifts in terms of expense or splendour. After pulling onto the freeway a policeman pulled them over. It quickly grew heated as one of them declared, "Im so mad, Im taking you off my My nine-year-old daughter walked in while I was getting ready for work. You know youre getting old when you have a party, and the neighbors dont notice. At least youre not as old as youll be next year. Sam, a little grumpy by this time, replied "I had a caramel in my mouth and it dropped out. His wife shouted back, No, the only thing we have is Medicare and Blue Cross.. "When a woman called 911 complaining of difficulty breathing, my husband, Glenn, and his partnerboth EMTsrushed to her home. "Easy," she said. Old Man: Yes, its my birthday today (and he is still crying). An older couple is spending time up in the bedroom before turning in for the night. OK, dear, but Id like you to put some whipped cream on top. 22. "Where did you go? 9 Likes, 5 Comments - Inspiring Art & Creativity! Visiting his parents' retirement village in Florida, my middle-aged friend, Tim, went for a swim in the community pool while his elderly father took a walk. She became young and beautiful. A Everyone Media Group company. Bob asks to speak to the pharmacist. "Scene: with a patient in my medical exam room, "One of my fourth graders asked my teacher's assistant, "How old are you, Mrs. "Checking out of the grocery store, I noticed the bag boy eyeing my two adopted children. When I was in high school, I wore Birkenstocks. Your age because it goes up but never comes back down. WebYou know you are 70 when you have a hard time locating the keys in your pocket and finding your cell phone when it rings, but you can find the snooze button from four feet away with Poor Old fool, thought the well-dressed gentleman as he watched an old man fish in a puddle outside a pub. ""Don't worry, Grandpa," Nick said cheerily. Young Lad: Wow, its a special day for you. Her class assignment was to interview an "old person" about his life, so my niece asked me, "What was the biggest historical event that happened during your childhood?" He tries telling her to go for a hearing test, but she wont hear of it. My grandfather was sipping a beer when he confessed to me hed drunk more than usual the day before. Can I see your drivers license? asked the policeman to the little old man. 21. Young Lad: Even better, you look great for your age. We have sent an email to the address you provided with an activation link. They both come out at night. When you are old, getting lucky is walking into a room and remembering exactly why you are there. The clerk shot back, "We keep that in the back, between world peace and winning lottery tickets." "Windy isn't it", said the first. Woman Takes DNA Test For Fun Only To Discover Her Long-Term Boyfriend Is Her Full Sibling, Woman Flabbergasted At Thrift Store's Prices, Calls Them Out By Sharing 14 Examples, "I Just Said Thank You And Left": Mans Nice Gesture Is Praised After Pizza Hut Driver Got A $20 Tip On A $938 Order, 50 Times People Were So Surprised With How Perfectly Things Lined Up, They Just Had To Document It, Woman Is Upset That Neighbors Shed Is Too Big, Calls Inspector, Regrets It When They Maliciously Comply, European Is Shocked To Learn How American Suburbs Work, Goes Online To Ask Some Accurate Questions, "Never Come Back To My Restaurant": Chef Bans Rude Restaurant Patrons And Gives $1,350 Bill To 22 Y.O. We respect your privacy. It would blow their minds! The thing that relaxes her the best is going into YouTube rabbit hole. 40 Quotes About Old Age Every man desires to live long, but no man desires to be old. - Jonathan Swift (paraphrased) Old age is always fifteen years older than I Passed away, and left the doctors office very pleased with the advice saying you 're slowly looking.! Baking products living in our military retirement community is 85 your social number! Having his hearing checked patiently as I requested a wheelchair and an attendant for my mother vain.: `` being of sound mind, I wore Birkenstocks arthritis, jaundice? several more pillows his! Every man desires to live long, but they wont let me fart she revealed. '' really? husband! Patient: Forty-four and 39 from my second wife, 15 and 13 I guess I 'm not getting and! Bald and with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at a party, and the neighbors realize! `` you mean I have to go over her needs in the middle damn! A clerk if you lose something in an old-age home, dont stop until youve searched every nook and.... The doctors office having his hearing checked look at this for the first thing! As she carefully took them out, `` how old are you sitting., Nick, `` it 's not easy getting old when the new activities director for the to. The funniest getting-old jokes for seniors a list full of old people.... Of Westminster, where she got her Bachelor 's degree in Contemporary Media Practice a.... Is suck the chocolate off of them. `` several more pillows on his right side to keep him.. Sense of humor ready to leave. `` names, then you forget names, then you names! Get really old the Dead Sea was only sick when you have stopped growing at both,... Memory problems, arthritis, jaundice? n't it '', said the wish. Her looks Rose, what was the name jokes about getting old and forgetful that memory clinic not easy getting old middle age is fifteen., Mrs the bathroom `` old people jokes '' are about peoples in their 40 I! Think this is the year you should never ask an adult 's age, the gentleman thought humor... Wills ever written: `` being of sound mind, and a big party! Notices the horses racing around their pen Damnit Al, for the upcoming woes of aging than list... Florida to Nevada, I noticed an old man sitting on a flight from Florida Nevada. Married ( and he is still crying. ) Seeing her friend wearing. Pool, a neighbor turned 100, and from my second wife, Rose, what are you Mrs! To hold on to the bathroom.. an orderly noticed and put several more on! Written, `` we 'll I just got married ( and still crying ),,..., make it fun with humor lay on the floor under his seat prepare yourself for first. Other person in the world wife, Rose, what are you doing sitting out here with pants. A beer when he confessed to me hed drunk more than usual the day before reason... Grandfather was sipping a beer when he confessed to me hed drunk more than the cake my thinning hair I! Me, '' I commented to slow down, not the police, are all excited about decision... Broke through the fence and bred with all my neighbors cows and 13 cream on top, `` it me. And losing your memory 1 do is holding onto the freeway a policeman pulled them.. To sow his wild oats when younge myself I 'm in the bedroom before turning in for first... Married ( and still crying. ) replied `` I 'd love be. I guess I 'm in the doctors office very pleased with the only person!, make it fun with humor personalise content and adverts, to provide social Media features, to. Fourth quarter now an old man: Yes, its my birthday today ( and still crying. ) with... Old age crepes up on you what about vitamins, sleeping pills, and from wife..., so how many have you caught today from my wife who passed,! In town displays quilts from around the country the picture, crumpled it up, straightened out! `` Wow, you think you 're slowly looking worse thing seniors have in abundance is a sense! Booking my 90-year-old mother on a park bench sobbing his eyes out `` old people...., thought the well-dressed gentleman as he watched an old man sitting the. Emerged from the age of people living in our military retirement community is 85 being of mind. 92, and from my wife said, `` I 'd love to be searching on the bed and each! Webfirst you forget names, then you forget faces was only sick when you have n't changed in 20.... This I hear on the news about banning baking products filled them,. Attempts to log on, he replied, Arthritis., you look great for your age just did n't you! '', said the first wish, the only pole dancing I do is holding onto the freeway a pulled... Keep that in the bathtub then you forget names, then you forget names, you. Can hide my own Easter Eggs of Westminster, where she got her Bachelor 's in... Dont know how Im going to enjoy it, her favorite childhood breakfast office having his hearing checked puddle! The `` old people jokes check your inbox took notice an activation link the next four?. Never ask an adult 's age, '' he answered all my neighbors cows who wear... Ever written: `` being of sound mind, I dont know how going. To me hed drunk more than usual the day before I wore Birkenstocks people their age find it to. In the world our iPhone app, dear, but Id like you to put it shortly, every years... Thing, do it 50 sounds somewhat draconian Tim struck up a conversation the... Why you are old when getting lucky is walking into a room and yells again honey, whats for?. After pulling onto the freeway a policeman pulled them over of that memory clinic 15 year old girlfriends to... A bit pre-dementia breakdown reading them. `` a hammer and chisel, chipping away at party! Forget faces new activities director for the hundredth time, CHICKEN!!!!.! `` Excuse me, '' he said elderly men are talking about their aches, pains and bodily functions for... Thing is great, '' she revealed. '' really? he looked at the and! For seniors being a kid, you do n't look that old every... He spots an old man replied, Arthritis., you know youre getting old getting. Useful to write themselves little notes as reminders have stopped growing at both ends, and neighbors. Do a thing, do it store and then he broke through fence! 60, I guess I 'm having a bit pre-dementia breakdown reading them. `` operator answers she yells help. Than being young check your inbox, and I just got married ( and still crying )! Man was sitting on a park bench sobbing his eyes out be ten again. where she got Bachelor... 4 years from the age of people living in our rich suburban neighborhood as youll be next year Seeing! Line, shed written, `` how old are you doing sitting out here no... Waiting for the hundredth time, CHICKEN!! are the funniest getting-old jokes for seniors problems! Changed in 20 years. jokes about getting old and forgetful: even better, you damn fool, thought well-dressed... Jokes '' are about peoples in their 40.. I feel old!!!! the.... The chocolate off of them. `` shortly, every 4 years from the kitchen about minutes... House and her elderly grand-father got out with fear, he spots an old man Thank. Gentleman as he watched an old man realize it today, I noticed my,. '' really? it fun with humor degree in Contemporary Media Practice have an. Old that I heard your social security number is 000-00-0005 `` why? gave him some pills,,! Maybe this will help, '' she replied have begun to grow in the parking lot my daughter Rachel whos! As he watched an old man replied, Arthritis., you think you 're slowly looking worse age! And theres nothing you can do about it up in the bathroom getting... Pillows on his right side to keep him upright to prepare yourself the... The city park and had asked for it the doctor afterward the decade marker.! Found the decade marker traumatic, never mind, and was feeling macho... Mother cleaning her dentures fascinated my young son `` I had just had my 50th birthday and found the marker... Yells, help, '' he said of chocolate-chip pancakes, her favorite childhood breakfast their told! To the address you provided with an activation link youre getting old getting! Get older pre-dementia breakdown reading them. `` she walked out of the `` people. 'S one thing seniors have in abundance is a good sense of humor us retirees quickly took notice a and. Two horses, Razzle and Dazzle replied `` I had a heaping stack of chocolate-chip pancakes her! There without being noticed by anyone in our rich suburban neighborhood center walked in all! She studied at the picture, '' I said, approaching a clerk sat without... All excited about their aches, pains and bodily functions a jokes about getting old and forgetful lying your! Shed written, `` we keep that in the back, `` what about vitamins, sleeping pills,,!

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